Remember how much I complained about The Keys of Marinus? Oh, how I long for the kind of heady days when Marinus was as bad as it got. It would appear that the remit for the Doctor Who writers over the summer break was "Make the show as immeasurably awful as possible, in every possible way." 

I guess I have to talk about that.

Planet of Giants / Dangerous Journey

I can't do it. I just can't even. The A-story is that, during a bad landing, the TARDIS doors accidently open during materialization and let in the (something) force, which I can't even be bothered to look up to find the right name. As a result, the TARDIS and everyone in it is shrunk to about an inch in height. They don't know this right away, of course, instead we have to spend an interminable amount of running time with them wandering around finding giant papier-mâché ants and bees and earthworms and such. Thanks to the B-story, the bugs are all dead and therefore the special effects department doesn't have to worry about making them move. As for that B-story, there is a scientist creating a new pesticide, funded by an unscrupulous and avaricious business man, who murders the the health inspector who is going to shut them down before going to production.

Blah, blah, giant matchbox, blah, giant briefcase, blah blah, chased by a cat, blah, climb up a waterspout, blah blah blah. Hackneyed dialog, leaden acting, ridiculous sets. Misery abounds and there is no escape from the hell of watching this story.

I swear to God, by the end of the second episode I would have gratefully eaten a plate full of the deadly pesticide rather than have to watch another minute. And the kicker? When I turned off the portable DVD player, I still had another eight minutes of treadmill time left instead of the usual four. Somehow these episodes managed to feel longer than the first season, but were actually shorter. The only saving grace is that tomorrow there is only one episode left to this wretched story.

Two words...

STATS:

Doctor(s): First
Companion(s): Ian Chesterton, Susan Foreman, Barbara Wright
Episode(s): Planet of Giants, Dangerous Journey
Obvious Pratfalls: 2, both by Barbara. Barbara! God is dead and there is no justice.
Steps Walked: 6,660 today, 152,968 total
Distance Walked: 3.06 miles today, 68.14 miles total
Weight: 298.82 lbs (five day moving average), net change -8.48 lbs